5 random things about me

OK, I'm doing 5 random things about myself. This was done I saw an blog chain that I followed from one of my blog buddies. I'm saying that Missi tagged me, but in all honesty, she really didn't. In fact, she doesn't even know who I am. But then again, how many of us on here really know one another. Well, maybe this list will help, although, I think the only thing that anyone will realize is that "I am never going to read his blog again".

So lets see, I'll do a couple of top 5 lists just so you get a better overall feel that I'm not a complete one sided jerk:

Sex and dating:
5. I'm a boob guy. But not in a normal way I don't think. If I see a big pair anywhere, my mouth literally starts watering, it's really bizarre. And the bigger, the better for me. It leads me to view a lot of big tittie sites on the internet. Unfortunately, my obsession has also led me to hookup with a lot women some might consider more full figured. But what the fuck, I went to school in Wisconsin, what the fuck do you want from me? Maybe that's what I get for my mom nursing me until I was eight. Kidding.

4. I got involved with the whole online dating thing at one point, occasionally I'll still do it. But there was a time about 6 months ago where I was madly in love with this girl from D.C. I bought a ticket to out there to visit one time and she pretty much stood me up at the airport. To make a very long Beowulf length epic short, by the end of the "relationship", I didn't know if she really lived where she said she did, I didn't know if she was married, I don't know if she had a kid, shit, I didn't even know her real name. It was a true eye opener to the loser-dom of online dating and I was the biggest loser of all.

3.I once called up this girl for a booty call at 4 am and her mom answered the phone. When she asked for my name, I told her it was "Joe". I'm sure she didn't buy it. Of course she said that Alician couldn't come to the phone (which sucked b/c she was crazy in the sack). I said sorry for the late phone call and hung up. After a couple minutes of being just plain horny, my penis made me call back and I tried to start her mom up for some sexy conversation. She was a good sport about it and just laughed me off before she hung up the phone. Damn!

2. To celebrate my 29th birthday this year in June, I knew I wasn't doing anything for it since I had to get ready for my party the next day but I wanted to do something to commemorate the official day. So I decided to do something I had never done before. That afternoon at work, I went and jerked off in the bathroom. It was great and I've done it since then and guess what else? I don't give a fuck. The only problem is the cleanup sucks. Hey, I may jerk off in bathroom at work but I'll have you know I'm still a gentleman, at least I clean.

1. I met a girl at a club once and we went back to her place. Her roommate was still up cooking whatever at 4 am. Definite drunk food whatever it was. So we left her and went to bed. This girl passes out while we're hooking up and leaves me with a raging tent. So to calm myself down, I went to grab a cold glass of water in the fridge. I walked out of the bedroom and apparently her roommate had gone to bed since there were no lights on anywhere. As I have the fridge open drinking straight from the Brita, it all comes together. I still want to get laid but I've ran out of options, but there is still a shot at the roommate. So I contemplated it for a couple minutes and decided this was the way to go and if I got caught or she was like "what the fuck are you doing?", I could always blame it on the alcohol. So I quietly opened her bedroom door and she was completely out. I snuck over to the other side of the bed and gently laid beside her. After I established that my cover had not been blown since she was still asleep I decided to go forward with phase 2. I proceeded to sort of put my arm around her as you would in sort of a spooning position. Now what happened next I couldn't have prepared myself for. She starts letting out these soft moans and then proceeds to flipover and starts making out with me. I, of course, reciprocated but couldn't have been more surprised. So she gets on top of me almost immediately and after about 5 minutes, it's like she woke up. All of a sudden she's going "omg, what's going on? what's going on?" And I was immediately "i'm so sorry, how did this happen? I'm drunk. You're not ____. I thought this was her room." and just flew out of there. Well, since I still didn't get off, I went back in the other room and banged the shit out of the original girl for another 4 hours. The next morning I left sort of a general note (not to anyone in particular) that I had a great time and if you want to, give me a call at my number. So I didn't start seeing the original girl for a little while but it was more of a hookup thing.

Here's the kicker of this story. And I mean big fucking kicker! A couple weeks later, they had a party at their apt. I was hanging out with the original girl and I asked her "so, are these a lot of your friends here?" She responded "No, actually a lot of them are my sisters friends". I said "Oh really, where is she?" And she replied "Oh, you remember meeting my roommate that night, well that's her". I really almost shit a brick at that point b/c let me tell you, in the innocent way that she said it, she had no idea that I slept with her sister that night. So her sister never said anything. That's sort of messed up. To top it off, I pretty much tried to flee the scene soon thereafter just b/c I wasn't feeling all that comfortable with the current state of affairs. So the original tried to get me to stay over that night which was expected but when I tried to leave the sister approached me and tried to plant one on me. Craziness I tell ya.