It's Muthafuck'n Time to Fuck You

Before I start, I have to note something to myself. My next guilty pleasure download will the disgustingly addictive Wendy's song where the hamburgers go up and down like an equalizer.
"Get, your... satisfaction... da da daaa derrr-dun, da da daa derrr-deh, da da daaa derrr-dun, da da daa derrr-deh... get, your... sa-sa-sa-sa-satis-fack-chon"... fucking sweet.

On the el this morning, I was actually listening to some Mozart for a change of pace. Among my trance, progressive house and terrible love for bad 80s music, I do enjoy classical (give me the CSO at Ravinia or Millenium Park on a 75 degree summer night and now we're talking). It felt weird as your listening to something that's so vibrant on every level (it feels like all your senses are heightened) and at that same time, you're standing in a crowded subway train looking into the dreary, tired faces of all these people who look just worn down by life. I can't explain it but it was very bizarre. I almost felt like I shouldn't be listening to those masterpieces in that environment, almost as if I was doing something wrong.

But I digress, on with my F-bombs...

- First of all, Fuck You to the people that before they even read this post are saying "Why does he always have to be so negative?" This is one side of me, I have my other side. Very few, maybe one person that I can think of, knows both and that's by accident.

-Fuck You The Butter for not posting a boob shot on HNT. Why else would I go over and check that shit out?

-Fuck You to the pathetic losers who stand outside of the building trying to get a few puffs off that much needed smoke in the -10 degree cold. They can barely get the cigarette to their mouth b/c they're shaking so much.

-Fuck You L for being such a dumbass to get me all worried when you texted me with the following on Sunday night...
#1 text: Says how she shouldn't drink on Sundays (she should never have more than 1 cocktail)
#2 text: She was in trouble (thought she had fight with some guy)
#3 text: Something about going too far and someone is hurt (now I'm starting to get worried)
#4 text: She may have to go to jail (wtf?, now I am worried)
Then I call you and you hang up while crying saying something about how you did something bad to yourself. (I'm thinking she hurt herself, now I'm starting to freak out)
#5 text: You're going to jail for a sex scandal (OK, hold the fucking phone, what? Alright, I had to call her back)
-- She's crying and saying how she started IMing with some random guy which she never does and then sends him naked photos of herself and she was all worried that he would post them on the internet and since she told him where she works, there was going to be a huge sex scandal in which she would be fired from her job -- Are you fucking kidding me? At this point I began my yelling (I never yell either) but she deserved it for acting like such a psycho and making me worry for fucking nothing -- you don't me to tell you to send pics like that to random strangers and tell them where you work, especially if they have your face in them.

-Fuck You L again b/c I can't even believe I wasted my time writing down that lame ass story.

-Fuck You to iTunes for being such a suck source for downloading music. They didn't even have Ride the White Horse by Laid Back

-Fuck You to the girls who put up risque photos of themselves as their blog picture, like anyone really believes it's you and if it is, what a desperate cry for attention. You're probably the same girls who make out with your girlfriends at the bar for guys' attention. And then there's HNT... well, ok, I can live with that. What can I say? I'm not one to ever slam tradition.

-Fuck You to my friends came over to watch the game on Sunday, everyone's got to start up the day with smoking weed. Now I've got nothing against it. I have smoked maybe 2 times since college, and not to say I haven't done my share of anything else, but c'mon, Sunday at noon, lets just watch the game, take a break from the party for 2 seconds. I'm just tired of it. It doesn't really bother me until I see them doing it every time we get together. Everyone is zoned out for the game, can barely get up to cheer when the Bears score a touchdown (and as some of you know, despite their record, a Bear touchdown is a rarity when you have Kyle Orton in the driver's seat). When a conversation is started, it's about something that happened 15 minutes ago, it's fucking dull. Hey fellas, the fraternity house is back at college with the beer bong, lets move on here.

-Fuck You to the blog people who post about ripping on online dating and then flirt on everyone else's blog. Now don't get me wrong, I don't support online dating by any means. However, I find this very entertaining just for the fact that when I go around and read people's comments, all they are doing is hitting on one another. Many people are even arranging to meet up after awhile of talking... and they met online. Yet, some of these are the same people who rip on online dating like those people are total losers. I don't think online dating is that much more terrible than meeting some drunk bitch/cocksucker at the club that you're trying to have some kind of half-ass conversation with as you're yelling over the music, it's just a different animal. I tried the whole online dating thing (hate me if you want, but I try everything at least once) and it sucked, besides maybe 1 or 2 people that I still keep in contact with. But despite my very bad experiences on there, they were no worse than any bad dating experiences I've had in the "real" world.

-Fuck You to Ms. M-day whom I received a random text from on Sat night. She wanted me to meet her for drinks. She must have been wasted to contact me. In fact after the last time we spoke, well, not really spoke... this is bad to admit but the last time we were together, I passed out on her during sex. Needless to say I thought I would never hear from her again but there she was in all her texting glory after 9 months of zero contact.

-Fuck You to the guy who answers the phone too loud at work - please take in consideration that this guy works about 100 ft from me. Now I don't work in A/P or anything but it reminds me of the chick with that terrible, high pitched voice from Office Space -- "CorporateAccountsPayablespeaking, jusssst a moment... CorporateAccountsPayablespeaking, jusssst a moment"

-Fuck You 'Unthink' for actually having something worthwhile to say. I've been thinking about this since you wrote it... You're right, 'Hate' really is a terrible word and I can't think of any reason why I should hate anything so I've decided to make every effort to not use that word anymore. If you read this, that was really cool, thanks for the idea... p.s. I still think you suck mad donkey balls

-Fuck you to the people that invade my personal space on the subway. Listen, I know it's crowded, but don't get close enough to me that I can count the blackheads on your nose. And if you want to get close enough to me to make out, you're going to at least have to take me out for a drink first. And if you know it's going to be crowded, why can't you at least do the courtesy of brushing your teeth in the morning so I don't have to smell the chicken pad thai that's been rotting in your mouth since Monday.

-Fuck You, my ____ bff (as you know, we don't say it or write it) b/c you wanted me to fuck you... well, I mean, fuck you in the sense of this post... ah, fuck it... just fuck you.

-Fuck You Sarah for turning out to be like every other girl around Chicago.

-Fuck Me for thinking you were different.

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