Best April Fools Day Ever

Dear Amaya,

You may or may not read this. If you do, I have some last comments that you may feel free to read since you may well indeed find this whole predicament pretty humorous.

It's past the hour that any hope I ever had for you is gone.

It's really sad to say that after 9 months, I don't know one thing about you. I question all the tradgedies you experienced, everything you told me. All those packages, I'm sure they got lost in the mail, you know, b/c the whole anthrax thing. You made a common mistake that all liars make, you got greedy with your stories. You took on more than you could handle. So, for once, listen to me here b/c those are lessons to learn for your next victim.

I just can't imagine how you could do that to me? How could you betray me like that? What did I do to deserve this? After everything I thought you went through with those other guys and all I wanted to do was be your knight in shining armor, the guy who would never hurt you, the guy who was going to care for you forever, how could you do that? More importantly, why? I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with you. That just sounds so stupid now that I could have actually thought something like that.

I really do believe that you care for me, no one would have spent that much time developing a relationship if they didn't, but you broke my heart. Everything you said you hated about the men of your past is exactly what you are. Despite what you think of yourself, you're hurtful, selfish, deceitful and careless. You've only proved that you're a person of no integrity and no character to do what you've done to someone that cared about you so much.

I thought no matter how this situation ended up, that it would be worth the fight in the end. I battled my friends and family b/c I thought you were going to prove them wrong. I believed in you that much that I would go against reason and my gut feelings. You made me be dishonest to myself. I opened myself up to you in a way that I have never opened up before to anyone and you took advantage of that.

I don't know if the fight was worth it, I'm just glad I know I had it in me to walk away from this situation knowing that I didn't hold back anything. I can still say I have no regret. I proved a lot to myself and that's nothing to be ashamed of. You have an amount of endless issues to deal with, now you can do it alone. I know that I will be able to get over this situation b/c now that it's over, there's a sense of relief. I take a few deep breaths and I feel pretty good. I know the truth, it's all I ever wanted and it's something you could never give me no matter how hard you tried to convince me of your lies. I don't have to waste my time anymore thinking about you, caring, being concerned, wondering, any of it anymore... it's great, I feel free in a sense. It's the same feeling I had when Lizzy drove off with her LA Gears, suicide blond hair, tapered stone wash jeans, stained sweatshirt in her beat up Bonneville. I felt vindicated and it was all the closure I needed to move on.

I will always be in love with "Amaya". What I have come to understand is that "Amaya" is a figment of my imagination. She's the one you always chase but never catch. Let me tell you though, one day I will catch her, she does exist, she just isn't you.