Sleepin and Dreamin

I have 3 hours of excruciating class coming up in about a half-hour. So instead of take that time to study, I thought I would do something worth while like an entry. I guess this isn't the attitude I should be taking at this point but I could really give a flying... anyways, moving forward.

So, 4 years ago when I had my first apt in the city, I had this once dream that I'll never forget. I think b/c it's one of the times in my life when I've never felt better. I mean, who would forget something like that? The dream was relatively simple and it's hard to describe the joy of it in words without actually experiencing the feelings. I was older, I think I had to be in my early 30s. It must have been a long day or something b/c I remember being tired. I remember it being nighttime even though I know I never saw outside. It had to be winter too b/c I recall the living room I was in was warm but not in the hot, summer humid way, but in the way when you're comfy in your home during the winter. I was on a big cushiony couch and I was sort of sitting but more slouching down watching tv. I was definitely in a relaxation mode. I remember not thinking anything at that moment, much as the numbness you feel after a hard day of work, pretty much drained.

It's important to mention that my perspective in the dream is looking at myself in the room, much like a movie except I could feel everything that was going on. Then I hear this rustling from the other room. In my dream, it's a familiar noise, I know what it is even though, looking in on yourself as a spectator, you have no idea what could be making that noise. There is a doorway at the far end of the room. It's such a comfortable atmosphere with low light but I can't help but find the noise from the other room distracting even though myself who I'm watching in the dream has no problem with anything. Then from around the corner appears someone so familiar. She was my girl. I couldn't tell if she was my wife or serious girlfriend but I know we lived together. She was shorter than myself, around 5'5", platinum blond hair below her shoulders, brown eyes, beautiful skin and she radiated an energy that was unto herself. She immediately jumps on me on the couch and asks how my day went. I just smile b/c although she appears familiar to me, the me watching me is speechless. She jumps on top of me blocking my view of the tv so that she's facing me. Not that it matters that she's blocking the tv b/c my eyes are only fixated on hers. She aggressively throws her arms around my neck and gives a squeeze that I've never felt before. At that moment, for once in my life, I understood the meaning of unconditional love. She pulls back and smiles at me with her blond hair dropping around my face, almost creating the illusion that just the two of us are in a bright, small room. She kisses me and I kiss her back. In the dream, I am almost crying b/c I've never been so happy in my life. We continue to hold each other for what seems like forever until eventually my dream starts to fade. I wake up with tears in my eyes in my cold, dark room only to come to the realization, as I do every morning, that I don't have that in my life.

I had a dream about a woman who was my one and only. I had a dream about Amaya 3.5 years before I ever actually came in contact with her. I am 99% sure that was her. The similarities are uncanny. I can't even begin to explain it. I've never told that dream to anyone but after V-Day this year, I felt that I needed to write it down. It's been in my mind for some time now. I can suck it up on a lot of things but my feelings were very hurt on Monday. V-Day was a tough one for me to swallow this year.

Alright, off to class...