Joke, or is it?

Q: What sound does a baby make when you put it in the blender?
A: I don't know. I was too busy jerking off.

Pretty sick shit, huh?

Lizzy Lies Again

Lizzy. What more can you say about that bitch besides that she's the most diabolical liar I've come across in my 28 years on this earth. So far this summer alone, the following events have happened in this particular order:

1. She said she slept through our first date / She said 2 months later that she actually went out with some other guy and slept with him. Result = bad karma
2. She was hit while she was driving to see me by a drunk driver on the highway. Result = broken leg, wrist, nose; totaled Mercedes (the karma thing is already working)
3. She couldn't find me in her home town. Result = very drunk and angry
4. She was brutally raped by 3 men in the Hyatt parking lot, again, on the way to see me. Result = 3 days in hospital, extended absence from work
5. She was outside my place one night but couldn't come in b/c I left a "rude" message. Result = hurt feelings
6. She crashed her '68 Jag while drag racing her brother. Result = totaled car, bumps, scratches, bruised ego
7. Her father died of liver cancer. Result = family tragedy
8. Her and her friend were car jacked, beaten and raped in Dallas. Result = new Mercedes stolen and totaled, reconstructive surgery on face, pregnant
9. Her and her friend had abortions as a result of the rape. Result = 2 less bastards running around this world

Please keep in mind this happened in under the course of 3 months. It's amazing, isn't it? What's next to come from the Tales of Lizzy? What's left that could even possibly happen and live to tell about?