Effing Cold Everywhere

Fucking Chicago weather... you never know what you're walking out to in the morning. I should have been a weather person. It's the only job that you can be completely wrong all the time and you don't get fired. Must be a nice position to be in.

Anyway, last night was the first night that I haven't woken up drenched in sweat in about 3 weeks. It was getting so bad that I would have to change covers in the middle of the night. This has never been an issue before in my life so maybe there's something wrong with me. What I need to do is get back to the gym, get a new job, get a girlfriend, boot that fucking shit laying dog out of my place, take a vacation, watch less tv, read more books, get outside more, and definitely trade in my roommate for a Stepford Wife (or at least someone who cleans up after themselves). Well, that's to name a few items that come right off the top of my head. There must be something wrong b/c I pulled the ultimate mistake and called Inese a couple weeks ago when I was out late one night and had a couple too many. Luckily, she didn't answer and I had a moment of sobriety where I realized that was a bad idea and didn't leave a message. Unfortunately, she checked her missed calls and I received a response via text message the next day. I texted back admitting to being drunk as the only reason I would call her... very stupid, Eric, very, very stupid.

Since Roderick's death, Amaya has managed to spend even more time (if that's possible) over at Renee's. Now I understand that Renee needs support for awhile from her friends but to expect Amaya to watch her kid until God knows when is a little unreasonable. I told Amaya that she's going to have to say something to her soon about setting up some deadline of when she's going to have to move on with her life. Although she says she's going to do it, I don't think she will. Does this chick like to torture herself? It seems that way sometimes. I did see her journal today and she mentioned something about planning a trip to Chicago. Hmmm... very interesting. I guess we'll see what happens, I'm not getting my hopes up for now. It would be nice if I could get my hopes up for something in the near future.

I go out, I never meet anyone interesting.
I go to class, I feel like I don't understand things I should.
I go to work, I'm underappreciated.
I go home, I feel like a cleaning lady.

I remember once when I was in 5th or 6th grade and I thought about what I would be like when I turned 25 b/c that would be the year 2000. Somehow what I've become isn't exactly what I had imagined and it's disappointing. I guess I didn't expect to be president or anything but I just thought about the simpler things. I thought at least I would have someone that I cared for unconditionally but the fact of the matter is that I hardly care for anything or anyone. I don't know what happened. I used to care about everything. Then it went to don't sweat the small stuff which eventually transitioned into not caring about anything. The energy put forth to care about anyone never paid off so why keep doing it? Hmmm, I know this is the wrong mentality to have but I'm having a difficult time getting back to the place I was at one time. I have to make some adjustments to my life soon b/c I don't want to continue on the path I'm on anymore.