Friends Thanksgiving

Friends Thanksgiving was a lot of fun. I met an incredibly beautiful girl named Melonie (don't know how to spell her name). My game was obviously out of practice but I think I laid some good groundwork. Plus, my friend Katie told me that she thought I was cute... green light. I think what I like about her most is her smartass, bust balls type of sense of humor. Very reminiscent of the early days with Amaya before she took a dive off the deep end. Anyways, she's about 5'10" with quite a body and an amazing smile. She also has a lot of earrings in one ear which I really like, she could be a freak. It's also nice to get back to brunettes. I think the last few girls I've dated have been blonde. But as winter gets closer, more brunettes will be out on the town. Well, we had a great time talking together but I think I may have sort of blown it in one regard... didn't really make my intentions clear with some of my buddies around me. I think Nick and I may have ended up crossing streams. That's not good. If that's the case and he's interested in her, I have to let him have at it. He was the host yesterday and that's the rules. Tie goes to the host. That would suck b/c Nick's intention may very well be just to sleep with her when this is the kind of girl that I would want to date. Tough position. I'll mention what happened to Katie and I'll go from there.

Tim did a great job making the Turkey and mashed potatoes. Everyone made side dishes and I, of course, made my smoked salmon roll-ups. It was quite the spread. I was surprised how many people made it for the event. Mike made it too which was really cool. Kathy and her friend, Tracy, came also. It was really good to see Kathy but what the fuck? I thought we were just supposed to be friends. She gets a few beers down her and of a sudden this confrontational, illogical, insecure side comes out. I'm not even going to go into it b/c it makes my brain hurt to think what she was actually saying b/c it didn't make any sense. She left there around 9 and proceeded to call me more than 15 times for the rest of the night. God, what did I to trying to remain friends with her? I thought she was over our situation. Good job, Eric, you really know how to pick them. I wish I could wipe out the last 2 years of my life. 2004 especially has been a really fucked up year. I'll have to do a recap at some point.

Yesterday seemed to be such a long day but then I remembered that I didn't waste half of it with Amaya on the phone. Sort of weird not to talk to her for a couple days now. I would be stupid to say I don't miss talking to her but then I just have to remember for all those times she would tell me she loved me, she really didn't. I was just some outlet for her that she could always rely on when she needed someone to talk to.

You know, I'm 28 now and I can't say I've ever truly been in love with anyone. I will say though that the closest I've felt was with Amaya, a person who I've never met, that's pretty messed up. But I hope I end up with someone who was like her when things were at their best b/w us. Those were good times. I felt... hmmm... I guess I felt like more of a complete person. I hate that Bachelor show but one of those guys said something that I find myself thinking about often. He said "At my most difficult times in my first marriage, it was still better than my best times when I've been single". It's constantly in my thoughts.

Anyway, I'm going to get my workout schedule in order today and write down some goals for the week. It's time to get my life back to some normalcy.

Something I want to work on immediately is I have to work towards giving myself some more credit. I'm a great guy with a lot to offer. This self-defeatist attitude has got to stop. These next couple weeks are going to be tough. Depression will be imminent with this whole Amaya situation so close to the holidays, it will be dark and cold most of the time and I won't be able to go outside. Going to have to be strong, set some goals and most importantly, accomplish them.