Evil Interrupts My Morning Routine

My morning ritual consists of the following... get outfit ready, brush teeth, turn on shower, jerk off, shower/shave, dress, blah, blah, blah. Things were a little behind schedule this morning but I always have to find time to make sure I get my morning jerky session in or I'm just a fucker to deal with all day. Well, I woke up especially horny today (as I have been lately for some unknown reason) and couldn't wait to get to it so I just started right in. Things were going great, good fantasy, everything. I always have the news on the tv when I'm getting ready. So I'm tugging the soldier around and all of a sudden, something very unsettling happened. I have my eyes closed but I felt this weird presence and had to open my eyes to see why my Spidey sense was going off (yeah, I can't believe I just used that term either, what a dork). Sure enough, pure evil had invaded my bedroom. I glanced up towards the tv and the image was instantly burned into my head... ugh... I'm grimacing as I'm even writing this b/c I don't even want to think about it... but it was of Ellen DeGeneres dancing on some fucking commercial. At that same instant, all my love labor had gone to waste b/c I went limp noodle style and couldn't even think about sex for the next 20 min (that's an eternity for me). What the fuck? There should be a warning before that fucking commercial comes on, especially with that fucking hobbit. You could do serious damage to straight guys everywhere with that being so publicly broadcasted. Fucking makes my skin crawl to even think about that skeeze (shit, anyone know how to spell that word, I've never tried to type it before).

So my mood was fucked until I took care of business. So 12:30 rolls around and I can't take it anymore, I'm shaking (I get the shakes when I get too horny) b/c I have to get these bad boys out. But it's lunch time and it's usually the busiest times in the bathrooms at work. I said fuck it. I got in there, ya know, doing the biz and of course some fucker rolls in there and now I have to pretend I'm in there for normal bathroom procedures. I have to wait for him as he gets stage fright at the stall (guys, you know what I'm talking about) b/c someone else is in there. I'm thinking "come on, fucker, piss or walk, i got a load of swimmers here that I need to drop off". Finally, performance anxiety gets the best of him and he shamefully leaves the bathroom. So before another dude can make it in there, I jump up and like 30 secs later, I hit pay dirt. Unfortunately, the pay dirt hit a lot around me so clean up was a bitch. But you know, it's gotta be done. Needless to say, my day is going much better now.