I decided to set this blog up just so I had a place to vent. As I am in real life with my direct approach on most matters, this blog represents my true feelings about friends, family and especially, my dating life. In a city as big as Chicago and the amount of people I meet on any given day or night, it's worth remembering those experiences in one way or another b/c they ultimately make up who I am. My interests: Terrorizing vaginas and spelunking the many parts of a woman with my tongue... and collecting Garbage Pail Kids and African garden gnomes
How did I get here? Right up until Sep 22nd, I didn't have a care in the world I was so happy with our situation. And even after that, my primary concern was for Amaya. It wasn't until the beginning of this week that things went completely crazy. From all the stupid shit I went through with Lizzy, at least she taught me one thing... run away from a situation like this. In the long run, it's only going to get you hurt more. I can't hide my feelings, I can't just turn them off like some machine. It's no surprise that my heart is still with Amaya. No one understands me. I took a phone call from her, it was stupid, I can't talk to her right now. I looked at her picture again. I'm sad.
I feel like I've been kicked in my chest. I have a lump in the back of my throat that won't go away, it's been there since I woke up this morning. I feel stepped on, exhausted, angry, frustrated all at the same time but don't have the energy to show that's how I really feel. Most of all, I'm numb. I have that shattered, empty feeling that comes with disappointment. I hate the way I feel right now.
Stacey, Nick and Rich are all trying to get me to go to these bday parties tonight to get my mind off things. Stacey says it's for her 6 girlfriends and it will be a time that I won't forget, then I'm supposed to go to another party that starts at midnight for 4 of Rich's gfriends. Everyone means well but I feel like I'll only rain on everyone's parade. I'll go to the first bday party b/c I already told Stacey and Nick I would. I hope I'll be able to keep my shit together. Besides, it's at the Green Room and I hear that place is supposed to be pretty cool, I've always wanted to check it out.
Raining this morning. Couldn't describe my mood better.
There was the potential for something so great. All I wanted to do was love her and now it's over before it even started.
I have friends rallying around me already, they know I'm devastated with the way this situation played out. I have good friends, they know how much I cared about her and are already there for me.
10 year Highschool Reunion tomorrow night. Have to find someone to go.
