Next Stop: Loserdom

So Sat night, I stayed in and did nothing. And when I mean nothing, that's the equivalent of saying I watched movies and jerked off. These movies ranged from PG to XXX. Wonderful thing is I can still find things to jerk off to in PG movies. Ah, the age of innocence defiled by me and my right hand. Damn, we're a dynamic duo, probably an unstoppable force in some circles.

Okay, so I take something back, I did do something around 1 am, something I probably shouldn't admit but what the hell. I got that Nano over the weekend and the first song I download at 1 am Sat night is that newer song "Hung Up". I'm not too proud of the fact that I popped my Nano's cherry with a Madonna song but what's done is done. I guess the most shameful part was that I listened to it over and over again but I think I blacked out after the 4th time.
ANNNND I danced like someone was going to shoot me if I stopped dancing -- I was a mad dancing muthafucka.
ANNNNNNNND I danced in front of the mirror while I listened to it -- you could have substituted me in for Jason Biggs in American Pie and no one would have missed a beat.
ANNNNNNNNNNND I caught myself doing a bit of the white man's overbite while dancing to it. At that point, like the moment of sobriety during my last 10 day Mad Dog 20/20 binge, I knew it was time to stop dancing.

Never been the white man's overbite kind of guy before, I was pretty appalled with myself. I swear Madonna made me do it.

I went to bed in shame where I proceeded to have a long sleep filled with plenty of nightmares. Damn that hussie and her catchy electronic voice with her mixes of techno bubble gum pop that make me want to shake my moneymaker uncontrollably in the fashion that a snake charmer lures the snake out the basket.

....................................
What else happened over the weekend?
-Black Wed night: Went out with a bunch of Puerto Rican girls, none of which I can remember how to pronounce their names. They weren't the ghetto Ricans either, they were the good looking kind. Like in Mexico, you have the dirt farmer type and then you have the ones that you jerk off to on Telemundo. These were Telemundo. The one my roommate was with looked like Rosario Dawson with smaller boobs. She was fly and he was lucky.
-I picked up some numbers for a later time. I would have stuck around but they started up the music at this club we were at. As soon as that started, the room became a game of Frogger as I tried to dodge and weave across the dance floor against a field of gyrating hips. At that point, I knew it was time for the white guy to make his exit and try to leave them wanting a some more... b/c only trying to "get jiggy wit it" would have ensured my demise.
-The next day I woke up to find that all the remotes in the house looked like they had been thrown against a wall only to find out that my roommate had come out of his room in a mad frenzy the middle of the night to rape the remotes of their batteries to use for his vibrators and other devices on Rosario.
-Needless to say, I made him put the batteries back in the remotes once he had finished his defilement.
-Turkey Day was traditional, no really good stories.
-I woke up for work on Friday (yes, I went to work and figured out I must be Communist)
-On the way out of my place, I noticed a disturbing image in the corner of my eye. I looked over at the living room couch and saw empty take out boxes surrounding the couch, lots of weed and blow scattered all over the living room table, and my roommate passed out in the fetal position with his pants pulled down around his knees sans undergarments. It was a sight, man. Like looking into the sun, where you really want to look but can't b/c it hurts your eyes. I didn't even stop to ask. In my place, you don't ask questions, you just go about your business and talk to your therapist about it later.