Next on the Agenda

Alright folks, closed out another chapter in the life of Eric and it's time to move on. It was crazy ride but you learned a lot and you'll be a better person for it in the end. If there was anything to be learned here first and foremost, it was that there will be no more meeting girls through online dating. We had some fun with it but it was a lot more torture than anything.

So yesterday after work, I went out with Rashelle. She's in tax season right now but she just finished her GMAT a week ago and wanted to grab some drinks. I filled her in on the whole situation with VA girl. It's funny, b/c she's got a VA guy, only difference is that they actually have flown to visit one another. They have been actually trying to make it work and with minimal family/friend tradgedies. Must be wonderful. They don't see eye-to-eye on some key issues in the long term sense so there was a feeling that they might not continue the relationship. She's a great girl too. Very pretty, intelligent and knows what she wants out of life. That confidence is extremely attractive. And she has brown hair, I think I may be sticking with those from now on, blonds, for whatever reason, have just been more problems then their worth.

After 3 drinks at Ceres, we both were definitely a little tipsy. I mean, c'mon, 3 at Ceres with Delilah serving, I don't know how I wasn't on the floor. Then we hit up Cactus. It was great b/c she kept saying how she'll just have to catch the next train b/c we were having such a good time. And then the next train, and the next one, and so one until she ended up catching the last one at 12:30. I walked her to the station and we hung out and talked more. There's definitely an attraction. I guess it can't be that bad when she says she wishes that she could stay. She had to work this morning b/c of Qtr close, otherwise, I think we would have gone out more. She called me when she got home which was really cool and I asked her to do that.

For the first time in a long time, it's nice to experience something that is real, that you can actually see and trust with your own eyes. And what I like about Rashelle is that she's direct and genuine. And I can tell that she appreciates what kind of person I am. I think she learned a lot about me with me explaining that whole Stanley situation to her.

So I should probably get running here. I have to get ready to go watch the games at McGees today. I designated myself as the seat saver so I have to get there at around 2 today. Games don't even start until 5 but I'll have some friends come with me. We should have a pretty good gathering by 5 and that bar is going to be packed. Go Illini! and UNC! and then go Illini again so I can collect! See ya bitches!

Best April Fools Day Ever

Dear Amaya,

You may or may not read this. If you do, I have some last comments that you may feel free to read since you may well indeed find this whole predicament pretty humorous.

It's past the hour that any hope I ever had for you is gone.

It's really sad to say that after 9 months, I don't know one thing about you. I question all the tradgedies you experienced, everything you told me. All those packages, I'm sure they got lost in the mail, you know, b/c the whole anthrax thing. You made a common mistake that all liars make, you got greedy with your stories. You took on more than you could handle. So, for once, listen to me here b/c those are lessons to learn for your next victim.

I just can't imagine how you could do that to me? How could you betray me like that? What did I do to deserve this? After everything I thought you went through with those other guys and all I wanted to do was be your knight in shining armor, the guy who would never hurt you, the guy who was going to care for you forever, how could you do that? More importantly, why? I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with you. That just sounds so stupid now that I could have actually thought something like that.

I really do believe that you care for me, no one would have spent that much time developing a relationship if they didn't, but you broke my heart. Everything you said you hated about the men of your past is exactly what you are. Despite what you think of yourself, you're hurtful, selfish, deceitful and careless. You've only proved that you're a person of no integrity and no character to do what you've done to someone that cared about you so much.

I thought no matter how this situation ended up, that it would be worth the fight in the end. I battled my friends and family b/c I thought you were going to prove them wrong. I believed in you that much that I would go against reason and my gut feelings. You made me be dishonest to myself. I opened myself up to you in a way that I have never opened up before to anyone and you took advantage of that.

I don't know if the fight was worth it, I'm just glad I know I had it in me to walk away from this situation knowing that I didn't hold back anything. I can still say I have no regret. I proved a lot to myself and that's nothing to be ashamed of. You have an amount of endless issues to deal with, now you can do it alone. I know that I will be able to get over this situation b/c now that it's over, there's a sense of relief. I take a few deep breaths and I feel pretty good. I know the truth, it's all I ever wanted and it's something you could never give me no matter how hard you tried to convince me of your lies. I don't have to waste my time anymore thinking about you, caring, being concerned, wondering, any of it anymore... it's great, I feel free in a sense. It's the same feeling I had when Lizzy drove off with her LA Gears, suicide blond hair, tapered stone wash jeans, stained sweatshirt in her beat up Bonneville. I felt vindicated and it was all the closure I needed to move on.

I will always be in love with "Amaya". What I have come to understand is that "Amaya" is a figment of my imagination. She's the one you always chase but never catch. Let me tell you though, one day I will catch her, she does exist, she just isn't you.