Thanksgiving

Today I woke up feeling terrible. Not b/c of anything I drank last night but just that feeling in the pit of your stomach that something is inevitably wrong. It all stemmed back to something that I did yesterday. I read my journal to Amaya even though I knew the way she would react to it would be less than favorable. I know, it was stupid but I'm sort of glad I was the one who read it to her so at least I had a chance to explain where I was coming from. I don't think she quite understood that when I wrote those things, it was out of pure anger, angst, hurt... I was just searching for some explanation I didn't have the reason to. Although, after I read these entries to her, I felt fine b/c I thought she understood. The more and more time that went on, I realized that was a bad move. I know how she gets hung up on things very easily... I just gave her a fucking grocery list of items to get hung up on. I dug myself a hole and no matter how I try to explain this to her, I don't think she will understand b/c she seems to focus more on the negative than anything. That was why I came to the decision that I'm not going to read her journal anymoreWe talked that night and it seemed to be a pleasant conversation. I do miss her and care for her so much.