Things That Drive Me Crazy

1. Roller backpacks - what a great concept... for lazy fucking people.
2. When girls abbreviate words - Mani/pedi, whatev, fab, and so on and so so forth. Damn, and just when I thought I had a hard enough time understanding women, they go start this fad.
3. People who ride the escalator - everyone's got to get their $1.75 worth on the El. I don't think people understand that it's not a fucking amusement park ride.
4. My Super Sweet 16 - this show actually has a season 2 coming out and is a perfect example of why our society is doomed and pop culture has hit a new low. And like teenage girls didn't have enough problems with their self image.
5. Laguna Beach - Wake up people! It's not a reality TV show. I watched one episode for 15 min and the way the camera angles change alone in any given scene couldn't be done if it was filmed live.
6. The Gold Coast neighborhood - aka. The Viagra Triangle. Welcome to a Chicago neighborhood that is infested with the dirtiest old men and the women that would date them.
7. The girl next to me at work - Jesus Christ, I could care less about your attack dog who doesn't like anybody, not even you. And get this, it's name is Fluffy. Hey Natalia, with your new gun training, once you become an assasin, wanna make your first hit a canine so I can get some fucking peace and quiet around the office?
8. The coke whores who hang out at my place every weekend - I think my roommate has officially turned our place into an afterhours club. Yeah, the bitches are hot that come over but they're so strung out that if you're not careful you'll get dragged into one of those coke conversations. Some of you out there right now are saying "yeah, those are so painful".
9. The girls I date - simply stated, what a bunch of weirdos. If I don't put up with them, then who will. That's terrible to say. OK, ok, instead they all have their good qualities. Lets just say if I were to combine all of there good characteristics into one person, I would have a pretty respectable girl. And that girl would almost be as good as the toothless transient woman in the Division subway stop, who by the way gives the best head I've ever had.
10. My roommate (right now) - Fascinated with the borderline hookers he brings into our home. Probably depressed. Needs a girlfriend to balance out his life. But I can break down his life into four categories by percentage. Sleep/Eat (50%), Partying (30%), Work (15%), Workout (5%). And I'm being completely serious. It all adds up to 100% lazy.
11. Rex Grossman - say hi to Chicago's newest Nomar Garciaparra
12. Dave Chappelle - you get a $50 million contract and you can't deliver the goods. Are you even fucking surprised? The real question is why would you ever give a pothead, the laziest people around, $50 million dollars? That studio got what it deserved. But seriously, I love you, Dave. Don't hurt me anymore, make daddy a season 3.
12. My Ex - How do women possess the uncanny knowledge of the exact moment when you get over them? And at that moment, it's like some alarm goes off in their head and they pick up the phone just to see how you're doing. How sweet of them. Well, my ex tried to pull that shit on me and I told her that I wished her the worst and that I'm a worse person for ever coming in contact with her. So now she calls me 12 times some days. Greeeeeaaaat!

Morning News Disaster

This morning on WGN morning new, I saw something very out of place. And no, it wasn't that douchebag sports guy who looks like the annoying waiter from Office Space saying something even remotely intelligent. When I was doing the online dating thing, I came in contact with this one girl. She was significantly older than myself but I thought what the hell, she seemed attractive. Who knew though, b/c her pic could have been 20 years old as well but I decided to take a chance anyway. Of course after a couple conversations, she was this self righteous, ivy league bitch who questioned and over analyzed everything. But she was also a singer. So I pop on the tube this morning with a slight hangover only to see this bitch wailing chords before commercial break. Let me just say right now, thank the lord I never got to the point where I was dating this girl and had to go to her shows. I think if I had to listen to her nails-on-a-chalkboard voice for 3 more seconds before they cut to break, I would have grabbed the nearest sharp object and punctured my own ear drums. Needless to say I was embarrassed for her and I can't imagine they'll be anymore repeat performances on that morning show for her.