What I do on the El

I like the el. It's a great place to think. The only really bad thing that I can't stand is when I sit down but don't realize the skeezy homeless guy that smells like rotten meat dipped in a soiled urinal sitting across from me until his odor seeps into the deepest part of my nose. I'm talking the stink that even when you walk away, it's stuck in your nostrils and you think you;ve contracted the smell for awhile. Then I have to do the whole car switch at the next stop. Besides that though, the el is a great place to think.

Things I think about on the el:
1. How fun it would be to blast the person next to me.
2. Breaking out in dance on a crowded train on a Friday afternoon and seeing how many people I could get to dance with me -- b/c we would all be so happy it was Friday.
3. Leaving my zipper undone while standing in the aisle with my crotch right by a young woman's head.
4. Counting the number of women that I would sleep with on that car.
5. Who gets the biggest booby prize for that ride.
6. If any of those pussy gangbangers are carrying any guns and if not, how many I could handle by myself.
7. Passing a note to a hot woman on the el.
8. Wondering how many people are cheating on their significant others that are standing right around me.
9. Do she vibe that I really like her by trading glances for all of a half second.
10. In light of the Olympics, how hard could it be to be an Olympic Curler? And if I could do it, would my current firm sponsor me while I took off all that work?
11. How many of these people have I actually seen in a bar before?
12. I wonder if anyone has been shot right where I'm standing.
13. What would she be like if I was married to her?
14. Despite her conservative appearance, I wonder is she is a sex addict.
15. Why do you look so sad?
16. Do I appear crazy to other people?
17. How do I come across to people looking around the el just as I'm looking around in the same manner.
18. I've seen her before, do you think she recognizes me too?
19. What are you looking at, shit for brains?
20. God, I would love to masturbate right now.

Philosophizin' muh'fucka

Abraham Lincoln once said "When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion". Problem is that I feel good when I do bad things, but that is doing bad, so how good can it be?

Worship me, bitches.