Barker's Beauties and Stepford Dreams

For whatever reason, The Price Is Right plagues my thoughts lately. It's like a Venga Boys song that's stuck in my head and no matter what I do, I just can't stop hearing "We, like, to party... We like, we like to party... da du da du da duu duu... da du da du da duu duu" you know the rest. (Note: do you know how fucking long it took me to do those da/du things I just wrote down?)

I think my life would be extraordinarily better if I was married to a Price is Right girl. After she was finished making my breakfast, she could present it to me with a pearly white smile and waving arms all over the place. Even when I asked to pass the syrup, she could present it to me in the only way she knows... holding it on her palm, her other arm of course waving all over the product. It would even be nice to install a few retractable walls in my place just so she would feel more comfortable.

Gabrielle Tuite is my perfect Stepford Price is Right girl. Some may ask, "Vagina Terrorist, why would you want a Stepford Wife, a woman who can't think for herself?". My response of course would be "Well, when most women think, they end up screwing shit up anyway so I think all parties involved would be better off with my alternative".

Oh don't boo me yet girls... I may talk a tough game but lets face reality... unless men learn to detach their corndogs from their bodies, women will most likely always have the upper hand.