Just when I thought my weekend was over...

Amaya called me last night when I was asleep just to tell me not to add comments to her blog. We hung up after a very short conversation. However, I thought she said that I had entered several comments so I called her back to make sure that she knew I only enetered one. We got into talking and I'm not sure what really came out of the conversation but it was the first time since last Tuesday that we actually tried to talk things out instead of over email. She still doesn't understand where I was coming from on Tuesday with trying to hide that surprise from her. I understand from her side that it looked shady but that's why I immediately explained to her what was happening the next morning. I thought we were going to get past it pretty quickly but things seemed to spiral out of control before I even knew what happened.

I guess the strangest thing about last night's conversation was that after the first 10 min, everything was pretty normal. By the time we got off the phone, I would say the only difference from our usual conversation was that we didn't exchange the "I love yous" at the end. I do feel very comfortable speaking with her.

She does have a lot going on and she does need someone who's going to listen to her and provide feedback that's geared towards what's best for her. I guess I'm the perfect guy for that role. I mean I've never met any of her family or friends, or her for that matter, what better person to have to give you constructive feedback than someone who's not attached in any way.

She says she had a great day yesterday and I was happy to hear that. I thought I would be angry to hear something like that b/c I would feel like she had gotten over me so quickly already but I was actually happy. Despite how I felt about the way she handled last week's situation, she has had a very difficult time lately and no one deserves to have a good day more than her.

Renee and her are on some rocky ground right now but this is a blessing in disguise. I feel that Renee may have felt that Amaya overstepped her boundaries as caretaker to more of a mother role to Reece. Renee, in turn, handled the situation entirely in the wrong way with having Louie and herself gang up on Amaya. That was pretty shitty. But if I could actually ever say something to Renee, I would say, "What the fuck is your problem? You ask this girl to watch your kid all the time and you're actually fucking surprised that the baby is becoming partial to Amaya? Especially when you don't even act like his mother?" Amaya was right about something which I never thought about... she never has taken care of a kid full time before. She doesn't know what too much holding is or showing a kid too much affection. She's just doing what comes natural. What more do you want?

I don't know, this situation is really for the best. Amaya will still get to see Reece but she is now forced to get back to her life of being a real 25 year old and in turn, this will force Renee to find someone to take care of Reece. Maybe her family will step up instead of relying on Amaya for everything.

I still don't know if Amaya does or does not trust me. She says she doesn't trust anyone, so I guess since I would be part of anyone, logic most likely says that she doesn't trust me. It's really too bad but I understand with what she's been through in her past relationships. I can only show her so much of what kind of guy I can be, but it's ultimately up to her whether or not she will trust me.

I may be reading too far into this at this point. We just talked last night and much of it wasn't even about us. There's a chance that she still may not ever contact me again.

Funny how my online journal has basically become Tales of Amaya.